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With the intensity of the sun

November 18, 2009
It’s time I face it. I have been hurt badly.  Sometimes Anthony will do somthing that reminds me of it.. I know I never really have been bothered by it. I don’t know why its bothering me so bad right now. I don’t want to fall asleep on the phone with Anthony cause I’m so scared I’m going to talk about it in sleep. I don’t want to be at that level again. Never. I will never allow it. I can’t. I just can’t. I’ve had a year to accept this. I guess its really time to. I still wish I could have kept it to myself. I have all these people who come to me for help. I don’t feel like I can go to anyone for help. I don’t want to burden them, I dont want to hurt them. Maybe its time I let someone in. Everytime I pass that house I get this big lump in my stomach that rises to my throat. All the good times in that place seem to disolve into thin air. Then all those bad times shine with the intensity of the sun.


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