I have to sit in the car with gram for all of like 40 min and I am dreading this.
She bitches about things that depress me.
I say nothing.
It is easier to not say anything.
Shut your trap, button you lip, can it.
All that crap you hear on TV about communication and expressing feelings is a lie.
Nobody really wants to hear what you have to say.
I will get home, and vanish into my room.
Art follows everything, like a dream follows a nightmare.
I have this dream art room.
It is dusty in a clean-dirt sort of way. The floor is layered with dry sploches of paint, the walls plastered with sketches of tormented teenagers and fat puppies. The shelves filled with clay pots. A radio plays my favorite station. Cups filled with markers, crayons, pencils, chalk, charcoal, and pens of every color.
Art is the only class that will teach you how to survive.
This is where you can find your soul, if you dare. Where you can touch that part that you’ve never dared look before.
So pretty much I spend hours inside my room with my art. Not many really see much of it.
Alot of my drawings just get thrown out.
My writing, well I don’t show hardly anyone all of that.
Photography is a little more open. Still I don’t show all of it.
I’m trying to find a way to express how I feel about life.
I’d like to be able to tell someone what I thought about the time I’ve spent here.
I’ve made it this far into life without a nucular meltdown.
Probably because I hide away.
I hear the garage door open and her car pull in, I quickly put things away and bolt into my room.
By the time she walks in everything is how she wants to see it and I have vanished.
Alot of the time even art is not an option once I escape into my room.
My bed sends out nap rays. I can’t help myself.
The fluffy pillows and warm comforter are more powerful than I am.
I have no choice but to snuggle under the covers.
I won’t take a real nap.
I have this halfway place, a rest stop on the way to sleep, where I can stay for hours.
I don’t even need to close my eyes. Just stay safe under the covers and breath.
I bite my lower lip. I watch myself in the mirror across the room.
Ugh.
My hair is completely hidden under the comforter. I look for the shapes in my face.
Could I put my face in a tree like a dryad from Greek Mythology?
Two muddy-circle eyes under eyebrows, piggy-nose nostrils, and a chewed-up horror of a mouth.
Definitely not a dryad face.
I can’t stop biting my lips.
It looks like my mouth belongs to someone else, someone I don’t even know..

Touch me, it makes me happy
Embrace me, it takes me to the light
Kiss me, it makes me stronger
Save me I know only you could break my chains..

Why do I feel so alone? Its all I’ve been feeling lately. My grandmother just seems to make things worse. Everyone who used to be my ‘’friends'’, really want nothing to do with me. Shelby is who is left and she is in South Dakota. I’m just here alone all day and all night. Anthony is there. James is there. Jennifer is there. Jessica is there. Will is there. Wherever there is. I’m stuck in this room, these same walls that say no exit. The close me in and keep me chained.  Wrapped up my leg, around my arms, down my back.  I’m being nice to everyone when all I can think is “Can’t you be nice, you fucking bitch?“. I’m being beaten down by the law. I understand all of it, its just shity for me.

  Your dirty little secret’s got a pretty mouth
And wouldn’t you love to kiss her
You always were temptation’s bitch
And don’t you love to want her

Silence casts a heavy curtain
And hush your means of love
The things you think, the words you speak
It’s all in the way you touch

The wrinkles in your satin sheets
The folds and virgin curves
She never confuses, she never lies
Forever and always, she’s yours

Well I should update this more often. So maybe I’ll write some more later.

Tears roll down a cheek
Here and there i feel the creeps
Of darkness bidding me fair well
My walls seem to talk back now
Sleep never comes anymore
Eyes close only to ease the sound of screaming
Break everything unbroken
Hearts torn and shattered
Hurry save me please
This just hurts so bad
I don’t wanna be sad
Not anymore
So let’s close this door
Don’t talk and i’ll walk away
Today is just another one of those days