Libertina Grimm

Her brothers grim, her sisters through
The final dance will be the cue
She amputates to fit the shoe
Libertina Grimm

“The Moon, she hangs like a cruel portrait
Soft winds whisper the bidding of trees
As this tragedy starts with a shattered glass heart
And the Midnightmare trampling of dreams
But oh, no tears please
Fear and pain may accompany Death
But it is desire that shepherds it’s certainty
As We shall see…”

Pain

You seem to cry like the rain in the sky..
I’m down at your feet, listening to your beat..
~~
Passing the time..
You’re shouting inside, while you seem to hide.
Your dreams are forgotten,
hidden inside the forgotten love of time.
Your not fine.
Forever chained with the tears and the downs,
when the nights close in and the darkness surrounds,
you feel your bones fade and shatter,
“I am dead,
dead as can be,
if you could only see,
just what this is doing to me..“
Tears dripping down your face,
So much sadness in a lost girl’s face,
Crawling closer to the opened door,
“No ones there, does anyone care?“
Will this lost girl ever be found?
All she asks is for you to look,
Search deeper,
Find the soul,
The soul locked in,
Find the key to unravel me..
How many reasons does she have to give?
When the new day is dawning to light,
Her everyday starts with a fight.
Seems like her world is falling apart,
You see no tear in her eye,
No sign of pain,
Therefore she must not be in pain.
Yet, she cries herself to sleep every night,
Wakes up from haunting nightmares,
If you look, her eyes reflect pain and fears,
She screams so loud,
How come no one hears?
She kicks and throws objects,
How come no one sees?
She holds herself in the water,
Praying she could find the courage to not come up.
“I feel like I am locked away in a box of pain,
Drowning in an endless pool of rain,
That won’t stop falling from my tired eyes.“

Venting and ranting

okay so i am a fucking screw up i cant do anything right i never will i hurt anthony i cant take protect my daughter apparently im a slut and i will always be this way… the fighting never ends.. with family with anthony with my own self.. im a fucking bitch.. i hate myself i am so tried of crying but it seems i never stop im hurting the ones i love so much who am i who took me over.. i hate these fears.. i hate how i can never breath anymore i hate that i break down so much i hate that i am so worried about something so simple that i need someone to talk to me about it i hate that no one even tries to see me.. i hate that everyone is so fucking oblivious to how im feeling i hate how the ones who arent oblivious to it, just ignore it like its not there.. i wish that when i tell people im fine..
they would say “i know better.. tell me the truth” i wish i didnt have to write in these stupid blogs to make me feel better.. i wish someone would just talk to me about it instead.. i wish james was on so i can have someone to talk to… i wish i wasent so stupid i wish i could just stop feeling this way i want to change so bad.. i wish anthony would see how much i need him .. how much i love him how sorry i am for fucking everything up all the time
how much i want to just kill myself.. how i hate life so bad how i need him to just be here sometimes.. how i dont know if i can do this forever.. how i cry all night long.. starting from the moment he leaves..
his random “good night” its not that just simply him leaving makes me sad it does but im already crying a little.. but it pushes it to a bit more and then i just cry all night im not kidding… all fucking night.. i want elizabeth back so bad.. and thats taking so fucking long and grr im stuck here and i cant stand how much is going through my head.. i suck at everything because i cant focus.. i got pills  for it and i still cant.. its better but i just keep thinking about the pain and when i need help the most theres no one to fall back on and i wish that i didnt have to come to everyone with it.. i wish people would ask at least and i wish people would talk to me about whats happening in my life right now and whats happenED and fuck i want to talk about the future but that seems pointless anymore i dont know if i want a fucking future gah i dont even want my future to last longer than an hour from now i need someone to talk to.. i need him to talk to me.. i need him to fucking talk to me.. god my past tortures me but he doesnt even want to hear about it.. i guess if i say it once then i am never suppose to say it again.. its suppose to be emptied from my memory.. i cant do that.. my past made me who i am this so called empathetic person.. and only because ive been in all these bad feelings.. i understand the pain of shit how much it hurts how you.. hurt yourself on the outside trying to kill that stupid meaningless thing on the inside.. how everytime you look in the mirror you cry.. you see yourself dead all the time.. you wish it was true.. how you can see how you’d do it.. how many times you’ve planed it out.. how its the worst feeling.. yet you know theres happiness out there waiting for you.. but you wonder are you willing to go through all the pain it takes to get that happiness.. can you even get the happiness.. or is it a waste of time.. a pointless effort.. you wish you knew who you were or what you want maybe you do know what you want but you cant get there you cant accomplish what you need to.. you arent quite good enough and no matter what you do no one seems to care so if it means nothing to them then after a while it means nothing to yourself without a “good job” now and then you give up whats the point whats the point in trying anymore why should you why should you sit around and be in pain letting others control you when you could just be gone from the world from life..

i guess its just how ive been feeling..

thats maybe 10% of how i have been feeling..
but it doesnt matter
i dont really matter
if you read this..
im surprised..
thanks
-sabrina-

This is life and its not fair

I want you to read this, for what it is.
I want this to get under your skin.
I want you to really think about this.
I want this to eat away at you, like it does me.
It means something to me, can you figure it out?

Always hold your head up high,
Even if on the inside you’re about to cry.
Pretend that nothings wrong at all.
Close your eyes before you fall.
If you can’t see it, it’s not there.
This is life and it’s not fair.

Why are you hiding from me?

  It’s not the same, every thing is so blurred, run together & muddy.

Why do we fight so much? I do admit I start them a lot. I know of lots of times where I could have avoided the whole fucking thing..  I am sorry that I can’t keep things fair. I’m sorry that I can’t do things right, that I cause problems so much. I am so sorry..

Insanity was hers to feel, think, and believe that everything, everything could exist. She sees his face, hears his sadness, and feels the tug and pull within. Everyday it reminds her of what now seems so far, so distant, created, made up, and pretended..

Why does life play its silly game? Why does life pick the path you must cement your feet in? When does it end, and begin where your heart wants to be? How does the mind differentiate between real time reality and the created reality which existed between two loves? Was it real? Was it factual? Was it something that could’ve happened beyond a dream? How does she know, that it might have, could have, maybe have happened?

Wild