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Kill me faster

November 29, 2007
Touch me, it makes me happy
Embrace me, it takes me to the light
Kiss me, it makes me stronger
Save me I know only you could break my chains..

Why do I feel so alone? Its all I’ve been feeling lately. My grandmother just seems to make things worse. Everyone who used to be my ‘’friends'’, really want nothing to do with me. Shelby is who is left and she is in South Dakota. I’m just here alone all day and all night. Anthony is there. James is there. Jennifer is there. Jessica is there. Will is there. Wherever there is. I’m stuck in this room, these same walls that say no exit. The close me in and keep me chained.  Wrapped up my leg, around my arms, down my back.  I’m being nice to everyone when all I can think is “Can’t you be nice, you fucking bitch?“. I’m being beaten down by the law. I understand all of it, its just shity for me.

  Your dirty little secret’s got a pretty mouth
And wouldn’t you love to kiss her
You always were temptation’s bitch
And don’t you love to want her

Silence casts a heavy curtain
And hush your means of love
The things you think, the words you speak
It’s all in the way you touch

The wrinkles in your satin sheets
The folds and virgin curves
She never confuses, she never lies
Forever and always, she’s yours

Well I should update this more often. So maybe I’ll write some more later.

Tears roll down a cheek
Here and there i feel the creeps
Of darkness bidding me fair well
My walls seem to talk back now
Sleep never comes anymore
Eyes close only to ease the sound of screaming
Break everything unbroken
Hearts torn and shattered
Hurry save me please
This just hurts so bad
I don’t wanna be sad
Not anymore
So let’s close this door
Don’t talk and i’ll walk away
Today is just another one of those days

Posted by cryingtemptress at 10:28 pm | permalink | Add comment

Second letter

November 5, 2007

Sometimes people can’t belive in themselves until someone else belives in them first. Baby thats what’s with us.  You’ve made me like myself. It’s amazing. Never thought that would happen. Used to be I would look in the mirror and not know who it was. I wanted to never see that person again. I hated who I saw. I was at a stage in my life where I was having a hard time caring about things.  I tried so hard to please everyone. When I did learn a little more about myself, I knew I would be rejected by the people I knew. So I pretended to be who they thought they knew. I pretended to be happy so I didn’t have to explain myself to people who’ll never understand. I faked happiness all the time and got very good at it. I had a great imaginary world, but I needed to let things happen for real. I didn’t know what was wrong or why I felt the way I did. I do know it was killing me.  Honestly, I still feel that way somtimes. When we started talking, I had this weird feeling of happiness, and you know the classic “my boyfriend just got online, I’m smiling like crazy.“? Well that was me. We weren’t even dating and I was excited to know your online. I was dating him and I think thats sad.

Btw this is for him:
 I’m so pissed at myself. That’s right pissed at myself, not you. I’m pissed for always being nice, always apologizing for things I didn’t do, for getting attached, making you my life, depending on you, wasting my time on you, thinking about you, following you, changing for you, forgiving you, wishing for you, dreaming of you, and most of all for not hating you, which I know I should, but I can’t. I’m not afraid to bleed, but I won’t do it for you.

 Mmkay back to what I was saying.  Honestly, you were the only reason I got on msn. I hate msn, and I got on it cause I wanted to talk to you.  After a while I gave up though. I mean you disapeared from me. By the way never do that again, please. Theres only so many times a girl can be disappointed, before she gives up trying, only so many times a girl can get her heart broken, before she gives up loving, only so many times a girl can get hurt, before she starts crying, theres only so much you can put her through before she stops trusting you. You’ve taught me how to trust myself, and how I should love every flaw.

By the way..
                    I love you

Posted by cryingtemptress at 11:48 pm | permalink | Add comment

Wrote for my beloved..

November 4, 2007

“So I know I’m not anything that your parents or family in genral want for you. I’m nothing like that girl. I just can’t measure up. I could try, but I’m not perfect. Just all messed up. I do love you and that’s probably the only thing that applies me to the girl they want for you. I realize that I may not be able to be everything that even you want. Just knowing that your going to come here for me makes me so happy, and I know I’m not happy that much. I’m sorry your stuck with all the debris left from those bad days.  I know it probably puts you in a not-so-happy mood.  I’m so sorry for that. I love you more than words can descibe, this post will not even come near what it should. I know I can’t write very well, I can try. You can write a million letters every day confessing to me that I am the girl of your dreams but it wouldn’t change how I feel for you because I don’t think it’s possible to love you any more than I already do.  Your so perfect. You didn’t leave even though I have been so screwed up.  Your always there to catch me as I fall, and you don’t stop me from falling. That’s so great.  I do have to feel some pain, most people think that they don’t want their partner to have any pain at all. How would they learn to live life?  You have faith in me when hardly anyone else does. See perfect.  I’ve lost the reflex to resist you. Your so amazing. “

Posted by cryingtemptress at 7:28 pm | permalink | Add comment
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